dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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