Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize