in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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