even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
