half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
