I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
