My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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