Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
