sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
