he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
