Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
