thus making me awesome and them whores
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
