my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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