you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
