Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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