my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
