good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
