My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize