What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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