you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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