Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
