I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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