I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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