when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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