If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
