I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
