Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
