i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
