you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize