nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
