you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
