Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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