You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
soo... how was my night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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