lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
