Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
