sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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