i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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