My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
