That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
