you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
