Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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