so let's talk penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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