so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
