he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
