his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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