I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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