Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
