If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
