Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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