haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
