oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
