Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
