on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
