there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize