She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
