my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
