so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
