unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
