i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
