Say something about gay babies.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
