I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
