Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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