life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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