I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
