I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
