Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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