you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My life is pants optional.
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