he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
