Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
