Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
