Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize