Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
