he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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