just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
