Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
