He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
