so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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