I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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