Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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