My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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