Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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