just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
