Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
