hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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