Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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