just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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