Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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